Love and fear.
That’s pretty much what life boils down to when it comes to choices. We may not actively label them that way, but each action is one or the other. Of course, I didn’t think of it that way when I was dreaming of what life might be like in another country. News reports were grim for much of the developing world, especially Africa and the Middle East. Meanwhile, Europe was on a pedestal seemingly reserved for wealthy socialites or added to a bucket list for retirement. It wasn’t until my grad school days that I realized these notions were complete hogwash.
Phase 1: The Epiphany
My foray into this new realm was borne out of jealousy. After meeting people my age who had already been to several continents, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t even considered it a possibility. It was the mid-1990s and I had grown up in a small Midwestern town. The only traveling I’d done aside from family vacations were road trips across Kansas in my little Ford Tempo. One of my roommates had spent a summer in Burkina Faso. A colleague in one of my classes had backpacked through Western Europe. Another girl I met had hiked the Appalachian Trail. Others were studying abroad.
Why wasn’t I one of them? And why didn’t anyone tell me about all of these things during freshman orientation. I can tell you it would have endeared me to college much more than a stale burger at the student union.
Phase 2: The Commitment
Blinded by travel envy, I committed to saving money and planning a backpacking adventure for the summer of 1996—a year and a half away. The “World Wide Web” had just emerged as a powerful tool for research and I immediately became enthralled. In the meantime, I decided to pursue a Master’s degree in geography. It seemed like a natural calling.
After the first semester of grad school, I started sharing my excitement with colleagues and professors about my upcoming trip. I was taken aback by their lack of enthusiasm. It was also a little surprising that not more people would want to do this. After all, as a geography major, what better experience could there be?
Phase 3: The Determination
I continued unabated tinkering with my grandiose itinerary for the summer. Some pretty random places made it on the list, with a focus on Hungary because I had been fascinated with its language. I also added the Baltic countries (Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia), thinking I’d be trailblazing my way through newly liberated Eastern Europe. As people learned of my selection of destinations, I got a lot of confused looks. That only fueled my desire to find places even more obscure and seemingly pointless to visit.
A huge reason I was traveling in the first place was to have experiences, especially with the local culture. There were plenty of tourist attractions along my route, and I wanted to see them too. Most of all, I needed to prove to myself—and all the naysayers—that I could overcome any remaining trepidations I may have had of venturing out into the unknown.
So I dug in my proverbial heels and ignored the negativity.
Phase 4: The Countdown
Throughout this period I was so excited, I can’t even remember being worried about anything. Once I committed it was never an option to not complete this trip, although with no travel companions and absolutely no idea of what really to expect, I probably should have had more concerns. But I’d finally purchased my airline ticket and there was no turning back.
All of this was prefaced by years of intense curiosity and interest in other countries and cultures, so I think that’s why I was able to eliminate any potential fears of doing the trip itself. Remaining were fears of being able to complete the mission: would I be able to find places to stay, could I figure out how to get around, would I be able to actually do this, would I finally change?
Phase 5: The Test
Pre-trip jitters gave way to Murphy’s Law panic when my flight was delayed by an entire day. I convulsed in outrage that my detailed plans had been thwarted. Soon I realized this was just part of the whole travel process. My travels went fine, with many ups and down, but beyond anything I could have hoped for. All of those worries were unfounded and seemed laughable after the fact.
Reflecting on the way I traveled, I can now say that it was so natural for me. It didn’t occur to me that what I was doing was quite unconventional. I would just show up in a new place and somehow find a place to stay and a way to get around. The guidebook helped sometimes, and while I had an itinerary mapped out, I really let spontaneity rule. Meeting new people, seeing new things, having to deal with languages and currencies, and getting lost were all instruments of growth and learning. I couldn’t have planned that out and gotten the same benefits.
Fear gave way to love…a love of experience, travel, and life.
Proclamation is the Key to Emancipation
The first step to overcoming fear is to commit to the journey. Start with one thing that puts you in a position that will make it harder for you to get out of. Purchase a travel guidebook, declare on social media that you are going on a trip, buy plane tickets. By spending money or posting on Facebook, you are declaring that this is important to you and you will actively take steps to make it happen.
Eventually you will be “in too deep” to back out, but hopefully you won’t think of it that way. It takes determination and courage to overcome something. There may be setbacks, but don’t let those discourage you. Maybe you had some unexpected expenses that derailed your timeline. If you can’t adjust your schedule or have already purchased tickets, you can still have a wonderful experience. Perfect vacations aren’t truly possible. Good vacations can’t be perfectly planned; they happen on their own accord.
Trust the road to bring you experiences that money can’t buy
me
Another thing to keep in mind is that it’s not going to be all smooth sailing…and that’s OK because life is not like that anyway. Be flexible and roll with the punches. Learn from mistakes and mishaps, and just keep going. As long as your life is not in danger, you will be just fine and at least have a good travel story to tell the grandkids.
Recruit Your Cadre
Everyone needs support in some fashion. If you are facing doubters and people who don’t get what you want to do, you will need to find at least one person who does. People who don’t support your mission will only serve to discourage you, even if they have no deliberate intent to do so. Seek out those who will understand what you’re trying to do. That barista at your favorite coffee shop who mentioned something about biking across the US–tell her about your plan. Talk to the postman, your co-workers, a “crazy uncle”. It doesn’t matter how well you may know them; you just need a few people to tell you “that’s an awesome idea” and “you’re going to have a blast.”
Reach out online and connect with like-minded travelers, listen to podcasts like Zero To Travel and Amateur Traveler for inspirational stories and adventure. This is your cadre of supporters who will be the internal voices that help you keep to your mission.
Start on Solid Footing
It is a good idea to plan out the first few days. You want to ease into your trip because your senses will be assaulted with a lot of stimuli and decision-making. Book your first night’s accommodation. Try to meet a friend or go on a local tour. This will put your mind at ease and set the tone for the trip.
You may feel overwhelmed, even if you are excited to take it all in. Allow yourself a smooth introduction, and don’t discount the real effects of jet lag! However, be open to changing your plans on a whim…
Serendipity is Essential
This will be difficult for the planners out there to hear, but the more rigid your day is structured, the less rich your overall travel experience will be. Don’t plan out every single detail of your days. Do you want to have a carbon copy vacation or do you want the kind of experience that touches your soul and restores your faith in humanity? This is the difference between being a tourist and being a traveler.
Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s OK. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.
Anthony Bourdain
The internet makes traveling so much easier than it used to be, but don’t let it determine your every move. It’s great to know that 750 people gave that restaurant a 5-star rating on Trip Advisor, but don’t starve yourself if you aren’t close to it. Ask around for a nearby local favorite that may not even be rated, or just look for a place that is busy with locals. You will have an authentic experience and may even get to befriend one of the patrons.
Write it Down
Do take notes, whether they be electronic or on paper (or the back of a receipt). You will want to remember the name of that amazing gelato shop, the charismatic owner of the souvenir shop that you talked to for 30 minutes, and the website a fellow traveler suggested for discount museum tickets. Smartphones make note-taking easy, but don’t discount the therapeutic value of keeping a paper copy of things you encounter on your trips.
I’ve kept journals of varying contents, such as how I was feeling on a particular day, local sayings, a list of unusual ice cream flavors, and even price tags or stickers from produce. Looking back on them now, I get all sorts of insights into what life was like then for me as well as in the places I visited. Keep a record of expenses, favorite places, funny occurrences, and phrases in the local language. These are a few things that enhance the overall experience and will enrich future memories that are bound to fail on their own.
A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.
C.S. Lewis
Take a lot of pictures, including the “non-touristy” stuff like supermarket aisles, vehicles, houses, and public transportation. Even a short time in another country may normalize what would have seemed different before you left. Your friends and family back home might find a photo of a random road sign fascinating. Digital pictures can always be deleted later, but you won’t have the chance to capture a moment once it has passed.
Reflections Aren’t Always from Mirrors
Take a moment to reflect on how you feel before the trip and reassess when you get back. Think about how you are feeling throughout the trip, including the mishaps, loneliness, and other conflicting emotions. Notwithstanding the array of amazing experiences you will have, you’re bound to go through a few misfortunes. But don’t let that ruin your trip. Sometimes travel setbacks become the best stories; they’re just rough going through at the time. Learn lessons and move on.
A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.
Albert Einstein
Years later you can think about who you were then and how far you’ve come. More importantly, you will absorb things that will subtly change facets of what makes you the person you become. It’s a brilliant process that I believe travel is integral to. These experiences become the building blocks that will allow you to overcome future fears.
I think you will fall in love. Permanently.